my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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