Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
