Nicole vs. Life
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
