I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
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I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
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Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard