My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up