somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
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I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
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I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.