Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.