We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
