just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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