I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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