Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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