She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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