i jhust puked up my retainher.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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