You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
