If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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