M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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