Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
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apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
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where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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