Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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