I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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