Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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