I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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