I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
