this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
