Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
