I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
