How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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