This is not my ceiling
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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