Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
