So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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