Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
