Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize