her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
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