You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize