Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
