I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
