obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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