Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Randomize
