I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
