yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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