She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
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