Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
