I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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