If i could tip my vagina, i would.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
