**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
