is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
