Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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