My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
