I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
It's Friday. Sex?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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