I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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