Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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