I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
They have beer where we have blood.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
