just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
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You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
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As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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