I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
