I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
