oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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