I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
