Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
