thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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