you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
