I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
