so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
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I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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